"my child is sooooo perfect" Not!

Today was my second (and final) day of my first round of parent-teacher conferences. Whew.

Yesterday was the “official” conference day. However, because the 5th/6th grade team teaches a total of 39 kids, there was no way we, as a team, could do 39 conferences in one day. So our Head of School ordered some subs for today, and we spent the day talking about the kids with their parents.

Now, this whole situation was complicated by the fact that the lead 5th teacher (and 6th grade math/science teacher) had a baby last week (rather, his wife had a baby). So he’s been out since Thursday, and was absent for the conferences too. We missed a big component there.

It was a long two days. It felt a little bit like speed dating on crack: every twenty minutes a new parent (parents) would be sitting in front of us, ready to “sell us” on their child. Over and over again. For two days.

Seeing and meeting the parents really answered a lot of questions about the kids too. I loved the moments when I saw a parent look at me a certain way, or do a specific hand motion, or use a certain phrase – which were things their kids does as well. It gave a good backing for where the child is coming from, what their make-up is, the sort of attitudes and views they really get from their parents. One could write a whole ethnography on seeing teaching that way.

But the one really interesting result is now I really see the kids differently. I know all these things about the children: how one loves to play the drums, or how another rides ponies, or how another is usually stubborn the first few months of school and then really opens up to the teachers. Their parents were so insightful and had such detailed things to say about the kids’ personalities and idiosyncrasies, things I never would have picked up on. Now, I want to get to know each and every one of them better, as unique individuals. Today, as I walked in and out of the classroom, when the kids were in class or at lunch (we had lunch inside today, due to the poor air quality caused by the fires), I kept seeing new things about them, observing them do things in a way I hadn’t noticed before. Familiar, but fresh and beguiling. It was like meeting them for the first time, or more like seeing an old friend after many years.

back-to-school night

isn’t all that it's cracked up to be. Not so bad. It wasn’t so scary. I bit my lips, dug my claws in, and came out the other side, growling, covered in some amniotic goo, and ready to fight.

Because the 5th and 6th grade teaching teams consist of the same people, we devised a very clever rotating system which, through a complex mathematical equation, arranged the allotted time into time slots specifically proportioned to the amount of time we have each week with the kids. Don’t you love 6th grade math? Unfortunately, the 45-minute all school presentation turned into an 80-minute all school presentation, and so our time with the parents – the most important part of the evening – was drastically cut short. So, that meant that my 3-4 minute shpiel became a 30-40 second shpiel.

“Hi, I’m Joel Abramovitz. I love this school. Your kids are amazing. They rock my world. Ok bye!”

So it goes.

But the parents, bless their hearts, seemed totally disinterested in me and anything I had to say. All they wanted was the goods on the curriculum, how many times they’d be asked to drive/bake things this year, and what trouble their kids had caused so far. Nobody wanted to hear from the new guy. And that was fine by me.

One back-to-school night down! So many more to go...

Columbus day

sucks.

For one thing, we don't even get it off. Not that I'd want it off, because with the past month's days off I've hardly worked at all. Do I have a job? I forgot. But still. If it's a national holiday, which I guess it is, then schools should be off.

And the post office is closed. And the libraries are closed. And that just makes me so angry, I could eat a ham!

But what really gets my goat about Columbus day is it's a holiday named after Christopher, and there's absolutely no observance of it. Things are closed, sure, but who the hell talks about Christopher Columbus on Columbus Day? There's no discussion - commercialized or otherwise - about his legacy. Jerks.

I feel like I'm being a bit bitchy. I just got home from an awkward 5th/6th grade team meeting about social issues going on in the class, which morphed into a referendum on how the administration feels about the way the 5th/6th grade team is doing our job. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Schools are way too political for me. I thought teachers DIDN'T have to deal with workplace politics. Just student driven politics. Grr.

fits and starts

is my new favorite phrase. I've been using it to describe how starting the school year has been going. "Oh, you know. It's really hard to figure out how it's going; with all the Jewish holidays it's been a thing of fits and starts." I always manage to quote Stanley Kunitz's The Dragonfly - coincidentally my favorite poem. We're in our 5th week of classes (oh my god) and it feels like we haven't really started. Like it's all been a prologue until now. And this week, too, we have Thursday off, and then go back on Friday. It's frustrating, especially because I really need to find a groove, to get a firm handle on things, start figure out what I'm doing, and how to do it. We're out of the honeymoon period with the kids, and yet we have no momentum. There's no traction, just friction.

Today, especially, felt symptonic of the stop-and-start nature of the last few weeks. I made a girl cry today. A 6th grader. One of mine. It's a long story, and involves anagrams of my name (Jell-o, if you add an extra "L"), a boy putting chips in another girl's hair, asserting yourself when someone butts their nose into your business, and the way this girl I made cry - let's call her Carly - has been viewing and talking to me the last week and a half. I thought Carly and I were having a really good, open, productive discussion about communication and how to apologize, and I was really proud of myself because I got to put some of the techniques and phrasings that I've been reading about into practice. As we shook hands after our conversation (no hugging!) I felt like this was a breakthrough for me and my comfortability in dealing with crises.

And then another 6th grader runs over and tells me Carly is crying. Because of me.

The other teacher on the yard said I did exactly what I was supposed to do, and that every kid takes things differently. And some kids use crying as a manipulative tool. And some kids are just criers. They cry. But still, it's a shitty feeling right now. I didn't fuck up, but I didn't do as well as I could have. And there was no way to know that in the moment. But now, I can reflect on my actions, and see that she probably felt singled out and alone.

I don't know. I think if we had more continuous time with the kids, less starting, more moving and going and momentum building, my ability to gauge their feelings, internally and externally might be sharper. Slightly. But enough so I don't make anyone cry again.

lies (for a sixth grader)

Today I stopped my first “almost fight” between two boys in my class. A bunch of 6th graders were playing Butts Up during lunch (like a combination of handball, dodgeball, and H-O-R-S-E) and I was reffing 4-square (I’ve become quite the 4-square expert. I could ref the world series, if they had a World Series of 4-Square.). A girl in my class came running up to me, saying that Sam (pseudonym, duh!) had fallen. I ran over and saw him holding his knees, which looked like stew was pusing out of his legs, gasping for breath, crying, and saying Mitchell had tripped him. Mitchell and some other boys were standing there, gawking, and I made sure Sam felt ok, and them made him (he didn’t want to go, wanted to appear tough and strong, but I thinm the crying really made that pretty hard, yeah?) up to the office, to get cleaned up.

I took Mitchell aside, and asked him, “Did you trip Sam?” And Mitchell looked me in the eyes, with his adorable sweet baby-face, and lied, “No.” and then he waited. It took me less than a second to realize that he lied to me, that his first concern was not getting in trouble, and as soon as he realize that he would tell me the truth.

I really like this kid; actually both of them. But Mitchell especially. I think he’s extraordinarily smart, and a little but cruel as well. He’s duplicitous and deceitful, maybe even manipulative. He has little patience for people who can’t keep up with him. He’s a good friend. He’s a short boy. He’s a good student, sometimes too good. In short, I see a lot of me in him.

So I said, “I’m not mad, I just need to know what happened. Did Sam trip?” Mitchell nodded. “On you?” He nodded again. “So, you tripped him then?” Sam said, “Yes.” And then I said, “Was it an accident?” and he said yes. It was hard to tell truth from fiction; or how he viewed the truth. I told him to sit on the side for a moment.

I had no clue what to do, what to say, etc. Part of the problem is I don’t know what I’m supposed to do at TIOH when the kids don’t listen or are clearly out of bounds. I don't know school policy, or how my mentor teacher would have preferred it handled (she was out because it was the second day of Sukkot). The 5th grade co-teacher, who is becoming a really good source of support and advice for me, said that these two mboys have a history, and she believes it possible that Mitchell could have tripped Sam, and that Sam could have thought Mitchell tripped him on purpose, even if he didn't. She then said she usually has the offending kid take care of the hurt kid’s first aid (get him an ice pack, a band-aid, etc) to help repair the damage, and make sure he's okay (brilliant!).

Since Sam was already getting sewed up, I couldn't do that immediately. I took Mitchell aside and said, “You’re not getting in trouble, because I’m sure it was an accident, but I still want to make sure there isn’t any upset between you and Sam. We want to keep the peace in the class (almost “shalom keetah”). Please go up to the office, see how he’s doing and how you can help him feel better; maybe get him an ice pack. If you want to apologize, that’s up to you. I trust you to do the right thing.” (Ok, it wasn’t as eloquent as that. But it was the same idea).

I went up to the office a few minutes later, and the two boys were chatting and smiling and laughing as the school receptionist/miracle worker bandaged Sam up. Ah 11-year olds. They can be really harsh one moment, and then forget it the next. It was a good success!

Someday, this will come naturally for me. Many, many, many years from now.


(for the third time in as many weeks): Chag Sameach!

"We're not in Kansas anymore. We're in Oz!"

Last night, I had what I'm pretty sure will be the gayest night of my life. Rufus Wainwright, probably the gayest man alive, recreated Judy Garland’s (most significant gay icon ever) 1961 Hollywood Bowl concert, at the Bowl. It was extraordinary good fun, although probably would have been better if I knew more of the songs.

Rufus did not recreate her banter, but he told stories at the same moments in the concert that she told stories (his own stories, and my favorite was about how when he was 4 he was saved from drowning at the pool at Hotel Marmont by Betty Buckley). He also didn’t recreate her wardrobe - although he did sing his first encore song in stilettos, tights, and a Liza Minelliesque dress/jacket, and top hat. It was almost sexy.

Best highlight of the night:

Jake Gyllenhaal sighting. I saw him at Royce Hall when the Rock Bottom Remainders played there during Book Festival ’06 as an 826La fundraiser, and that was truly heartstopping, but this was quite exhilarating. He walked from the West Gate past the program booth (where we were standing) and into the lower boxes. I have to fan my face just thinking about it.

My two (three) highlights of the concert:

1) Throughout the second half and encore, he was joined at times by his mother, Kate McGarrigle (she played solo piano when he sang, sitting cross-legged on the stage, “Somewhere Over the Rainbow”); Judy’s other daughter, Lorna Luft (who sounds exactly like Judy and did a duet with Rufus), and Rufus’ sister, Martha Wainwright. Martha came out and sang “Stormy Weather,” in the middle of the second half, and it took my breath away. If the concert had ended there, it would have been fine with me. I’d never heard Martha Wainwright before, and where Rufus is grating and he slurs his words, she’s emotional and crisp. Her performance was vulnerable and soft, poignant and honest. I’m still in a bit of shock over it. I think it might have been the best single song performance I’ve ever seen.

1a) Martha, during the encore, did an incredible version of “Someone to Watch Over Me,” while her mother played piano. It was amazing, but didn’t quite top “Stormy Weather.”

2) At some point in the original Garland concert, Judy strutted down the catwalk part of the stage, walked into the audience, and planted a kiss on an audience member – who happened to be Rock Hudson (planned, I’m sure). So, he recreated that act: Rufus sauntered down the catwalk, walked into the audience, and planted a big kiss on Debbie Reynolds. Debbie Reynolds! It was adorable. She kissed him back a few times (in a very grandmotherly style) and then they waved.

where have all sensations gone?

I just got back from seeing The New Pornographers at the Fonda in H-wood, and while it's way past my bedtime, I'm totally wired. I could write about my day today, or the mock trial we're doing tomorrow (who's responsible for the death of the owlet in the African folktale "Why Mosquitos Buzz in People's Ears" - it's acually been a great literature lesson for the 6th graders) but instead I'll give a brief rundown of the Porno's show tonight.

The Pornos were, of course, Amazing, with a capital "A." They had great banter. The crown was really into them. The drummer, Kurt Dahle, was something else. The songs are fantastic, and even the new ones, which I was previously more or less lukewarm, were great. They had a huge lightbulb signboard, in early 80's porn style, saying their name, on the top of the backdrop. And, I've said it before and I'll say it again, Neko Case has an incredible set of pipes. They played a great setlist, which is always icing on the cake.

The opener, Lavendar Diamond, was not good. I saw them about a year ago when they opened for the Decemberists, and then they were dreadful. Tonight, just weird. The singer kept stopping and saying, "Let's give it up for ________________!" You can fill in the blank with any number of innane, flooziful nouns/phrases: "not sending kids to Juvenille hall" "world peace" "liberation" "singing" "los angeles" "children" "mothers" "you" "the new pornographers" "sexy clothes" "no lies" "tribes" etc etc. You get the picture. And then she would do these weird dances. I didn't quite get it.

But, a great Porno show.

Tomorrow, Arcade Fire!