lies (for a sixth grader)

Today I stopped my first “almost fight” between two boys in my class. A bunch of 6th graders were playing Butts Up during lunch (like a combination of handball, dodgeball, and H-O-R-S-E) and I was reffing 4-square (I’ve become quite the 4-square expert. I could ref the world series, if they had a World Series of 4-Square.). A girl in my class came running up to me, saying that Sam (pseudonym, duh!) had fallen. I ran over and saw him holding his knees, which looked like stew was pusing out of his legs, gasping for breath, crying, and saying Mitchell had tripped him. Mitchell and some other boys were standing there, gawking, and I made sure Sam felt ok, and them made him (he didn’t want to go, wanted to appear tough and strong, but I thinm the crying really made that pretty hard, yeah?) up to the office, to get cleaned up.

I took Mitchell aside, and asked him, “Did you trip Sam?” And Mitchell looked me in the eyes, with his adorable sweet baby-face, and lied, “No.” and then he waited. It took me less than a second to realize that he lied to me, that his first concern was not getting in trouble, and as soon as he realize that he would tell me the truth.

I really like this kid; actually both of them. But Mitchell especially. I think he’s extraordinarily smart, and a little but cruel as well. He’s duplicitous and deceitful, maybe even manipulative. He has little patience for people who can’t keep up with him. He’s a good friend. He’s a short boy. He’s a good student, sometimes too good. In short, I see a lot of me in him.

So I said, “I’m not mad, I just need to know what happened. Did Sam trip?” Mitchell nodded. “On you?” He nodded again. “So, you tripped him then?” Sam said, “Yes.” And then I said, “Was it an accident?” and he said yes. It was hard to tell truth from fiction; or how he viewed the truth. I told him to sit on the side for a moment.

I had no clue what to do, what to say, etc. Part of the problem is I don’t know what I’m supposed to do at TIOH when the kids don’t listen or are clearly out of bounds. I don't know school policy, or how my mentor teacher would have preferred it handled (she was out because it was the second day of Sukkot). The 5th grade co-teacher, who is becoming a really good source of support and advice for me, said that these two mboys have a history, and she believes it possible that Mitchell could have tripped Sam, and that Sam could have thought Mitchell tripped him on purpose, even if he didn't. She then said she usually has the offending kid take care of the hurt kid’s first aid (get him an ice pack, a band-aid, etc) to help repair the damage, and make sure he's okay (brilliant!).

Since Sam was already getting sewed up, I couldn't do that immediately. I took Mitchell aside and said, “You’re not getting in trouble, because I’m sure it was an accident, but I still want to make sure there isn’t any upset between you and Sam. We want to keep the peace in the class (almost “shalom keetah”). Please go up to the office, see how he’s doing and how you can help him feel better; maybe get him an ice pack. If you want to apologize, that’s up to you. I trust you to do the right thing.” (Ok, it wasn’t as eloquent as that. But it was the same idea).

I went up to the office a few minutes later, and the two boys were chatting and smiling and laughing as the school receptionist/miracle worker bandaged Sam up. Ah 11-year olds. They can be really harsh one moment, and then forget it the next. It was a good success!

Someday, this will come naturally for me. Many, many, many years from now.


(for the third time in as many weeks): Chag Sameach!